- THE XMAS POEM
- 'Twas the night before Xmas, and all through the flat,
- Not a creature was stirring, not even a rat.
- The children were strapped down all snug in their cots,
- The straps tied securely with neat granny knots.
- When up on the roof I heard such a racket,
- I rushed to put on my bullet-proof jacket,
- Picked up my Uzi and sprang up the stairwell
- To sneak up on who had appeared there, but, Hell,
- It was only that Red commie fat elf again
- Who flies every year through the snowfall & rain
- With a Hefty bag full of prime black market loot
- Which he passes out freely to every galoot,
- To slackers and dopers and damned welfare drones,
- To fatties and sickies and old bags-of-bones.
- Distributes for nothing, no payment at all,
- The stuff that's supposed to be bought at the mall!
- It made me so blue I turned white and saw red,
- I just had to pump the old fool full of lead!
- It was my third strike felony rap,
- But I couldn't let him get away with that crap.
- But I didn't know what I was dealing with:
- It turns out, the fact is, you can't kill a myth.
- The bastard's immortal! He's back at his rounds,
- Doling out goodies in cities and towns.
- But I was convicted and sent up for life,
- And to top it all off, now he's balling my wife!
